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23 May 2010 @ 05:53 pm
Mr. Jekyll and Dr. Hyde  
Title: Mr. Jekyll and Dr. Hyde
Pairing: House/Cameron.
Summary: House reflects on Cameron’s last words to him.
Author's Note: Just a little something that takes place after Cameron leaves the last time.

-
He used to be like Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde, the two personalities all mixed into one man. He used to have a soft side that he just preferred to keep hidden. He used to put on a front. To keep people out? To stay respected? He doesn’t even know anymore. All he knew was Cameron finally went out with a bang. After resigning twice, she finally took a stand and left permanently.

He should have applauded her, bowed to her, hell even picked out a ‘Congratulations’ card for her, just because this is what he wanted all along. He wanted her to think for herself and stop worshipping him. Wasn’t it? Wasn’t this what he told himself every single time Cameron did something nice for him? Or treated him differently from all the others? He wasn’t so sure. Because now that she was gone, really gone, everything shifted into places he didn’t like. The workplace seemed gloomy, and his regular days seemed simple. The entire building felt different. A large shadow seemed to have plopped itself over it, making everyone and everything inside of it seem cold. There was no intrigue for people, and no mysteries to solve. Cameron was his biggest one; even though he claimed he could already read her perfectly. But now she was gone, and her parting words refused to leave his head.

He was surprised Cameron admitted to him what he knew all along, that she was in love with him for most of the time she worked for him, but those words were quickly forgotten when she closed the statement with her being an idiot for it. House’s heart scrunched. Of course she was an idiot for loving him, anyone who even considered having something meaningful with him was stupid, as he wasn’t worthy of it. Then they started talking about the formalities, the rules of life and how he didn’t follow any of them. And the funny thing is that she was right.

He noticed the change in himself in the past year; noticed his feelings slowly deteriorate, his cruel mind slowly taking over the job he used to think had heart and soul. But he figured it was just the way he was supposed to end up, bitter and broken with no sign of repair. He just didn’t know anyone else noticed it too. Cuddy was usually all over him, not really paying attention to what he was doing, unless it involved her. Wilson understood more, but still came up short. When Cameron uttered those words on how she felt sorry for him because there was no going back, House knew something inside himself had gone terribly wrong.

And then she did her signature move, the one that she always parted with, the one he always protested to take. It was that damn handshake, it was her long slim arm outstretched as if to close whatever discussion they were having. Each time she did it, he never took it. Because in truth, he was never done with their conversations; never satisfied with how they would end. There were always words that were never spoken, always feelings that went unnamed. He hated incompletions; and was always left with one from Cameron.
House leaned back in his desk chair, running his hands over his now cleanly shaven head. He thought it would symbolize something like a new beginning, but instead it just maximized his old habits. What did he do now? Could he really try to change his ways? Could he really go back to how he was, when he still cared about what happened to his patients? Cameron didn’t seem to think so, but he wanted to prove her wrong. He wanted to do something that would shock her into coming back and seeing it for herself.

He almost went after her. Almost stopped her and told her she was wrong, and that she wasn’t stupid to love him because he could try being capable of it back. It had been over 5 years since she came to work for him, and in those 5 years the only thing that stayed constant was Cameron’s belief in him. It was the only thing that held him steady some days, just knowing someone still believed he could do good at the end of the day. That was gone now. She was gone now, and all of her beliefs and all of her goodness went with it.
A knock on the glass door woke him out of his thoughts. It was Cuddy, her skirt still tight and short, her face still scrunched in concern for his mood. He nodded at her, showing it was okay that she came in but didn’t bother to sit up straight. She sauntered in, and sat in one of the chairs facing his desk.

“House,” She said her raspy voice still evident, “Are you okay?”

His eyes traveled up to hers. “Yes.”

He couldn’t stop his wall from rising up, from taking over his body and giving people what they didn’t want to hear. He knew Cuddy didn’t like his response, but wouldn’t fight him over it. This was something Cameron was in fact good for. She knew how to crack other people open even if she didn’t crack much herself. And he knew why; she just cared that much.

But she stopped caring, essentially, and left. And now there really was no hope for him changing. He was Mr. Hyde completely now, with no way of turning back into the doctor. This is what his life had become; this is what he had become. Who would accept him this way? He looked straight ahead and found his answer.

It seemed that for now, Cuddy would just have to do.
 
 
Current Mood: tiredtired
 
 
 
 A lover of truth, a worshipper of freedom: H/C goodbye kiss 2hughville on May 23rd, 2010 11:17 pm (UTC)
So heart wrenching. The last sentence especially.

I'm adding this one to my memories page. That way I can go back and read it again.

Edited at 2010-05-23 11:18 pm (UTC)
neverknew_xoneverknew_xo on May 23rd, 2010 11:43 pm (UTC)
thank you so much for reading! :)
i-like-blue-boxes: TONGUElyly_hameron on May 24th, 2010 03:29 am (UTC)
Oh this was pretty damn good. :D
I'm adding it to my mems. Thank you for sharing.
neverknew_xoneverknew_xo on May 24th, 2010 02:23 pm (UTC)
thank you! and thanks for reading :)
ally_cam: goodbye :-(ally_cam on May 24th, 2010 01:54 pm (UTC)
Great writing, and so heart-breaking!
neverknew_xoneverknew_xo on May 24th, 2010 02:23 pm (UTC)
thanks so much! ♥
sharp2799: House/Cam checking her outsharp2799 on May 24th, 2010 09:33 pm (UTC)
Any chance of a sequel where Cameron comes back? ;)
neverknew_xoneverknew_xo on May 25th, 2010 02:38 pm (UTC)
mayyyybe ;) and thanks for reading!
bitsofchatbitsofchat on May 26th, 2010 04:50 pm (UTC)
Bravo! He liked her so, he'd have more to say than the show will let on...thanx.
neverknew_xoneverknew_xo on May 26th, 2010 05:48 pm (UTC)
thank you! :)
Cassandra Elise: almost lover hameroncassandra_elise on September 23rd, 2010 02:49 am (UTC)
It was that damn handshake, it was her long slim arm outstretched as if to close whatever discussion they were having. Each time she did it, he never took it. Because in truth, he was never done with their conversations

Love that! So insightful.

Great job. :)
neverknew_xoneverknew_xo on September 23rd, 2010 10:02 pm (UTC)
aw thank you so much! thanks for reading :D
hcficawardsmods on September 23rd, 2010 11:46 pm (UTC)
Hi,

This fanfic has been nominated for an award at hc_fanficawards. Please see this post for details and to collect your nominee banner.

Voting begins October 1st. Good luck!
pingback_botpingback_bot on November 9th, 2010 04:25 am (UTC)
House/Cameron FanFic Awards voting Has Begun!
User pyewacket_1975 referenced to your post from House/Cameron FanFic Awards voting Has Begun! saying: [...] by Jellybean728 Nominated by sharp2799 Character study: House Dr. Jekyll and Dr. Hyde [...]
la fille du vent: black swan :: white swan in the darkryuuvictoire on August 5th, 2011 09:15 pm (UTC)
"Because now that she was gone, really gone, everything shifted into places he didn’t like. The workplace seemed gloomy, and his regular days seemed simple. The entire building felt different. A large shadow seemed to have plopped itself over it, making everyone and everything inside of it seem cold. There was no intrigue for people, and no mysteries to solve. "

Sums up my feelings about the show since her departure perfectly.
neverknew_xoneverknew_xo on August 5th, 2011 11:03 pm (UTC)
Thank you! I wrote this a long time ago when they were starting to move towards House and Cuddy and these were basically just my feelings on it all. I saw him going to Cuddy as a kind of 'well, she's here...' though I'm sure I would be heavily disputed about it. I'm glad these summed up your feelings though, I was so heartbroken about Cameron leaving!
la fille du vent: firefly :: river fullbodyryuuvictoire on August 5th, 2011 11:12 pm (UTC)
There were always hints of Cuddy/House, just as I always saw hints of Cameron/House. But by season 3 or 4, it seemed clear that Cameron was being pushed further and further from the picture.

Long run, I don't really understand why Cuddy was picked, sure, she is a strong character (I loved the episode sometime in season 6 which was purely Cuddy centric, showing her managing her hospital) and I hated, hated seeing Cuddy and House together because, no, I didn't see that much of a connection other than "that's my toy, no that's my toy, give it to me, no, *insult*, *insult*, *finally Cuddy gives in*).

Cameron has more balls, in my opinion, even though she's maybe more naive, or younger, or not as successful, whatever.

I always thought that even if Cameron/House never happened, I could always envision a really neat kind of friendship, but the show didn't seem to think that was possible, either.

I feel the show has simply turned its back on a lot of potential, and I'm sorry for it. Cameron was a good character, and I miss having awesome ladies on the show. Olivia Wilde as Thirteen does what she can, and I'm not a huge fan of Cuddy after her and house get together, and I miss having a female character who was not only sex on legs, but a force to be reckoned with as well.

Okay enough rambling (XD). I'm with you on this one.
neverknew_xoneverknew_xo on August 5th, 2011 11:20 pm (UTC)
Yeah I agree 100%. One thing I've always really liked Cameron was her history and how she was still able to grow from it. I thought that was a really relatable part of Cameron. I don't know why they chose Cuddy either, but I guess it doesn't really matter now because the last I saw of the show was House driving into her house :P

I can ramble on this subject too so don't worry! It's hard not to get fired up about House. :)
la fille du vent: firefly :: river kills with brainsryuuvictoire on August 5th, 2011 11:24 pm (UTC)
It is so hard not to get fired up! I dislike disliking things I used to really like. :'(
neverknew_xoneverknew_xo on August 5th, 2011 11:27 pm (UTC)
I know, right? I can't give it up! Thank god for writing!